Nostalgia and my life so far

It's about one AM and I still am not able to sleep, and I keep going back to thoughts of my childhood and how everything turned out, and how everything changed to make me who I am today. And I'm just sitting here on my bed, wondering how things are going to change for me in the future, will it all be good or bad?

Before I came to the coast, I lived a very interesting life.

I was the cute little blond baby, first of all- I was adorable (even if I say so myself), and I grew up with an ENORMOUS family, and when I say enormous, I mean huge, there is my dad's side, and my mom's side, (as we all have), but, I have an extra bit of added family- The Circus.

You're probably thinking "well, this has to be a joke", but I kid you not, I grew up with the circus as family, and I loved it!

At the age of about 4, this is me just taking a guess, I drank hydrogen peroxide quite accidentally- I was making myself some Oros and I thought that the Peroxide was water, so I put it in my juice, and drank it, and of course, I landed in hospital! (Who wouldn't?)

My Circus family came to visit me, and now that I think about it, I still remember it every now and then. But this is the one part that I have a photo of- one of my uncles came to visit me in hospital.

And not only did he visit me- he visited the rest of the children's ward too! (I'm the one on the lap, I was always rather boyish).

At age 6 I had a circus birthday party, I remember it well, I was too afraid to go up on the trapeze, so I had one of my friends do it for me. I remember my Aunt (Tufu the Clown) entertain us along with the help of all the staff, and of the circus one of my most favorite memories is when I used to help Daniel (the stable guy) take out the pony for all the Birthday parties, and he would let me ride her to the ground by the coffee shop where they would have the horse rides.

 Pictured there is (left to right) the girl I was best friends with at the time, Megan, Tufu the Clown, Lauren, My sister- Nicky, and Myself at the end.

For a while after that my sister and I started going to Circus School- it's like a gymnastics thing, only except you learn circus tricks-

 pictured here is us getting ready to do a show called "Wonderland" - with months of training, and I remember clearly my toes being smacked a good couple of times by my Auntie Susie because they weren't pointed, we got the show right!

Then school became the first thing on my mind and I left Circus school, but was still in contact with the family, I would help with end of year functions and I would work where I could- and I got trained how to work. Honestly I would never have done it any other way.

 High School came and I started making friends:

By the end of eighth grade we were all best friends, and we would have done anything for each other. We had created a bond. It was as if nothing would stop us, and from staying that way. There are other friends- Megan, Michael, Alex, Daniel, Mkiwa, Bonolo (2 of them), Randy, and Aaliah, but pictured here are Johan, Kevin, Diren, Shannon and Nicol and myself obviously.

And then Life happened and we all moved away. Aaliah to Madagascar, and myself to KZN, and then the others moved friends I suppose, but the point is we all lost contact and stopped talking.

Michael though I never stopped talking to, because we'd been best friends since grade 5.



But writing all of this has got me thinking- what has all of this even achieved for me? I've attempted to be positive, and in the past two years I've falling in, and out of love and gotten hurt and I've wasted my time with people who pretend to be my friend and they too- hurt me in the end, and that's when I realized:

It's called life.

And of course, if I could do some of it over again , if I knew what I know now- but certainly not all of it. I have had amazing experiences, and the most awesome childhood that any kid could ask for- I have a family that loves me ,and I adore them just as much

 and a big sister who I can talk to about anything:

 and I realize that even though we might not have everything that everyone else has, and I'm not as pretty and as skinny as all the other girls here, and that I'm probably the strangest person anyone has ever known- I attract all the crazies ...

We have what some people don't have- and that's love, and love for life. My family (including Michael and his family, and the Circus Family) has happiness and a strong bond that will possibly never break and I realize that I should be grateful, because some people don't have a family at all.

And I am grateful, and I realized I don't need to be like the people here to be happy. I just need to be myself.

Moral of the story- don't let other people change you, just stick to who you are and you will find out what you really need and want out of life, you'll turn out to be a much more happier and loving person.

<3 Lee