One of Those days

Today is another one of those days where I'm feeling completely insecure about myself.

I found myself wishing that I was somebody completely different, someone much more beautiful, and thinner, and with a lot of talents other than just art.

I decided to open a Tumblr. account because I thought that it would make me feel a little more normal, which it didn't. What it did do- was make me feel like I'm trying to change myself to become some sort of blog-spammer, so I think I'm going to delete the account.

What I did realize though, is that I have a friend who saw the picture pictured here on the left, and he texted me telling me that I have to stop feeling so insecure, and accept myself for who I am because everyone else does. Part of me believes him, and Part of me doesn't, but I am grateful that I have friends like him who are there for me.

So recently I have had two friends (they are dating each other) trying to set me up with one of their mutual friends who I haven't met. But I don't think I'm willing to do that, like I said on my Facebook status,

"That awkward moment when you have a friend, and his girlfriend trying to set you up with someone you don't even know after two months of being out of a relationship that lasted for two years, and I'm just chilling there thinking like.. I don't really want a relationship.. or to meet new people  I just want to crawl in my hole and play WoW and get healthy again.. and concentrate on school work...  why would I want to get in a new relationship again? I mean, isn't it enough now? I'm seventeen, way to young for commitment, way to young to be involved with people older than 18 (unless I was friends with them beforehand). I guess people just try to help, but I rate that I don't need help, I just need support right now. I don't think getting in another relationship will help anything, and I feel that it would be so unfair to the other person if I were to use him as a building block, and I explained this sort of. I don't think its so hard to understand, is it? I'm just not ready.."

the amount of correspondence I received on that post was hectic- people telling me how proud they were that I am being so mature about the situation- and then a lovely comment from sweetheart Meg saying 

"babyy you are young! what happened with you and my brother was either a blessing or a lesson! you will learn from all these experiences! whats meant to be will be! thinkinbg of you! nothing changes between us gorg mwahh! chin up!"

(Thanks babee x, it made me feel so much better about the situation <3)

For now, I'm going to take all the negativity I'm feeling and transfer it into something beautiful, in a painting or a drawing.

A note to self- never let anyone or anything put me down, I ought to accept myself and I also have to accept that people want to help me, so Don't take things so personally.

Also- Don't wear my heart on my sleeve.
<3 Lee